Tuesday, October 18, 2011

An open letter to Allied Waste Services in Gwinnett County

Dear Tertiary Syphilis Victims:

Despite the fact I put my bin curbside in precisely the same place I put it every week, your highly trained cadre of mobile sanitation engineers refuse monkeys neglected to pick it up.

When I phoned your offices, I was placed on hold for approximately ten minutes, during which time I was regaled non-stop with all of the services your company provides, how large you are, how long you've been in business and myriad other self-serving bunkum attempting to demonstrate that you're the best refuse service ever.

May I disrespectfully suggest this is not your smartest public relations move, given that your garbage gibbons somehow missed the large blue bin emblazoned with your logo placed in a location where it has been placed on each and every pick-up day since Gwinnett County shoved you down our throat.

When you fail so abysmally at such a goddamned simple task, do you really think it's good marketing to up-sell an already-irked customer?

"Hmmmm...their trash barrel baboons have once again failed to empty my bin which in-turn forced me to wait on hold while listening to their hype; I THINK I'LL ORDER A FUCKING ROLL-OFF BIN FROM THEM, TOO!"

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

At least the very pleasant and professional individual who finally got my call made the correct noises, apologized and promised the situation would be rectified. (Of course, actions speak louder than words...)

UPDATE: To my pleasant surprise, the trash was collected the very next day and the bin placed neatly back on my treelawn.


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