Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Michelle Obama's Tainted Garden

While it would be just like me to use a metaphor as a title for a post, this time it's quite literal. Not to mention schadenfreudelicious:

Madame Il Douchey serves lead-contaminated White House-grown produce to school children, women in a homeless shelter and visiting dignitaries!!1! Uses child labor in deadly garden!!1!!!

It was meant to be a show case for healthy living, with the first lady, Michelle Obama, personally putting hand to pitch fork in a crowd of school children to dig up the first White House vegetable garden in more than 50 years.

Nothing like preparing the kiddies for what life's gonna be like after this administration and Congress totally tank our economy.

Instead, an embarrassed White House admitted today that the plot - whose lettuce, herbs and other produce have been consumed by the first family, visiting dignitaries, local school children and a women's homeless shelter - had tested positive for elevated levels of lead.

Good thing that the new consumer laws for produce haven't gone into effect yet, else Mrs. Ogabe would be liable for quite a hefty fine, not to mention other punishments.

But even though lead levels in the first garden are far below that danger zone, the disclosure is awkward for a White House which has made prominent use of the vegetable garden to define Michelle Obama's role as First Lady,and to encourage sensible eating habits in children.

Yes, boys and girls...there's nothing like a heapin' helpin' of tummy-tempting lead. Like you can get from gnawing on your crappy Chinese-made toys or from the First Lady's own garden. Nom, nom, nom!

Children are expecially vulnerable to exposure to lead, which can cause neurological and kidney damage, and stunt their growth.

Which means they'll leave a smaller "carbon footprint" on poor Mother Gaia, who reportedly has one foot in the grave already.

The vegetable garden was an important symbolic break with the George Bush presidency, and it became a cause for environmentalists and the organic food movement in America who had urged the Obamas to use the White House to set an example of healthy eating.

Because George W. Bush hates vegetables, just like he hates swarthy people. (Remember, he's a Nazi who was going to take away all of our rights after declaring himself "president for life" before proceeding to nuke the entire planet. Because Rove told him to.)

Michelle Obama invited dozens of 10- and 11-year olds from a state elementary school in a transitional neighbourhood of Washington to the White House last March to help her dig up a 1,100 square foot plot of land near her daughters' swing set. Photographers were let in to take pictures of her kneeling in the dirt and wielding garden tools.

Photographers swooned in ecstasy as they were permitted to take pictures of Michelle's fabulous, world-class arms.

Funny how when Dubya was photographed clearing brush on his ranch in Texas, that was a photo-op demonstrating phony machismo, but when Michelle poses alongside child stoop-laborers she's "setting an example".

The school children were invited back to tend the plot and just two weeks ago to bring in the first harvest: 73 lbs of lettuce, 12 lbs of snap peas and one cucumber. Obama and the children then trooped into the White House kitchen to wash lettuce and shell and cook the peas for lunch, which they ate outside on red and white checked tablecloths.

Why do you hate children, homeless women and foreigners, Mrs. Obama?