Monday, January 26, 2009

Time For Jesus To Take Out The Trash!

[From top to bottom: Pope Benedict XVI, Bishop Richard Williamson]

[Yet again, apologies to my Catholic friends; this ain't about you.]

Vatican II is definitely past its sell-by date, since the Pope formerly known as Cardinal Joseph Ratbastard™ has un-excommunicated Holocaust denying bishop Richard Williamson:

Pope Benedict XVI’s rehabilitatation of a British bishop who denies that millions of Jews died in Nazi gas chambers has alarmed Catholics who fear it risks dealing a fatal blow to the inter-faith dialogue promoted by his predecessor.

Over the weekend the Pope issued a decree welcoming back into the Roman Catholic Church Richard Williamson, 68, and three other breakaway bishops excommunicated by John Paul II in 1988. The bishops had been ordained without Vatican permission by the renegade French archbishop Marcel Lefebvre, who rejected the reforms of the Second Vatican Council.

Hmmmm....doesn't sound like "rehabilitation" to me. The Unholy See's just getting back to business as usual: falsely blaming the Joos for killing that extra-special Joo about two millenia ago. (They won't come right out and say it, but that's what this crap's all about.)

Too bad that even with all of his spooky Son O' God powers, Jesus hasn't ever returned again to smite Benedict or his many vile predecessors, not to mention despicable second-stringers like Williamson.

Walking on water or changing it to wine's quite well and good, but I really wish he'd go all moneychanger on the Papal ass.

And quelle surprise that there's a French collaborator in this mess. Plus, as I've previously stated, you can take the Kraut out of the Fatherland, but you just can't take the Fatherland out of the Kraut.

Benedict’s actions are also reviving his old nickname when he was Cardinal Ratzinger — that of the “Panzerkardinal”, known for his hardline conservatism as head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

Well, I suppose they couldn’t very well have called him the *cough* “ZyklonBkardinal” *cough*, since that, er, never happened.

“This is not so much an act of grace as a surrender,” the veteran Vatican watcher Marco Politi said. Benedict wanted a new era of reconciliation, “but the new era has begun with a lie. The Pope has made a openly declared and unshakeable anti-Semite a legitimate Bishop”.

It's a goddamned miracle...a German surrendering to a Frenchman; what an age we live in!

Bishop Williamson, who has said that the Vatican is controlled by Satan and that the Jews are bent on world domination, reiterated in a broadcast last week on Swedish television that the historical evidence was “hugely against six million having been deliberately gassed in gas chambers as a deliberate policy of Adolf Hitler. I believe there were no gas chambers”.

Well then, Bishop...if the Vatican is controlled by Satan and you've just been un-excommunicated, whose minion does that make you, Mr. Smartypants?

I think that someone needs a little exorcism. Or perhaps it's time for his dirt-nap.

Father Federico Lombardi, the papal spokesman, insisted the lifting of the excommunications had “absolutely nothing to do” with Williamson’s views on the Holocaust. “One is not connected to the other,” he said. Vatican Radio said Williamson’s statements had been condemned by other members of the St Pius X fraternity.

That's rather a large load of Holy Shit.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Mainstream Media Takes A Cue From Monica Lewinsky

It's less than a week after Mr. Obama's inauguration, and I'm already weary of the barely-metaphorical schlong-slobbering the media is bestowing upon The One™ and His family.

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer: "A first family that's not only endearing, but is one we can identify with and strive to be"!!

A young, busy, uncommonly traditional family moved into the White House last week, enchanting the nation, inspiring parents and offering a new model of the American family.

Well, okay...if an "uncommonly traditional family" consists of two millionaire ivy league attorneys who were married by a racist anti-semite and who espouse socialism.

Color me less than enthused.

Barack Obama, America's 44th president, arrived with a clan that smacks of an earlier era. Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7, are the youngest residents of the Executive Mansion since the Kennedy children -- Carolyn and John John -- romped through the Oval Office in the 1960s.

Given that the allegedly "post-racial" Mr. Obama is demonstrably anything but, I'm highly amused at the statement he "arrived with a clan that smacks of an earlier era". Would that be the "Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV) as a young Exalted Cyclops of the Ku Klux Klan" era?

And I loved the heavy-handed reference to the Kennedy kids - Carolyn, an upper class twit who thought she was entitled to a U.S. Senate seat and John-John, an upper class twit who slightly overestimated his piloting abilities.

But where some see an endearing reflection of the traditional nuclear family, others glimpse a household of the future. A family loving and religious, egalitarian and multicultural. With two adorable kids and room for the mother-in-law, the First Family seems to offer something any parent can identify with and strive toward.

Religious? Sure...if you don't mind a religion such as Black Liberation Theology which lionizes idiots like Jeremiah Wright (head pastor of the church Mr. Obama attended for nearly twenty years), who spout racist filth:

"Africans have a different meter, and Africans have a different tonality. Europeans have seven tones, Africans have five. White people clap differently than black people. Africans and African-Americans are right-brained, subject-oriented in their learning style. They have a different way of learning."

Loving? Mr. Obama referred to the white grandmother who raised him as "a typical white person" prior to tossing her into the crowd underneath his bus.

Egalitarian? I guess that's why the Obama girls are attending a tony private school, rather than the failing public schools which are supposed to be perfectly adequate for us proles.

Multicultural? We keep being told that Mr. Obama's is "America's First Black President", an appellation he has been only too glad to accept. But he's actually at least half-white. You can't have it both ways, folks. Was he "black" before the election and "multicultural" now?

I find racial identity politics so damned confusing, as I tend to judge people by their character. Silly me.

(Query: Does this mean that Bill Clinton has become "America's Zeroth Black President"?)

The article continues in a similarly smarmy vein; frankly, I can't bear to snark on any more of it.

Sadly, the drooling adoration has also infected our cousins across the pond, as witness this in The Sunday Times: Michelle Obama: America's Lady Diana?

Michelle Obama’s flair for fashion has captivated Washington and set the hearts of glossy magazine editors aflutter. She has already eclipsed Carla Bruni, the super-model chanteuse and wife of Nicolas Sarkozy, the hyperactive French president. Not since Diana, Princess of Wales, has there been such a glamorous role model at the apex of society.

I would point out that what probably eclipsed Ms. Bruni was actually Mrs. Obama's non-trivial fundament.

Michelle, 45, has a theatrical sense of style, from off-the-rack colourful clothes from J Crew at less than $100 a throw, to pricey designer outfits such as the sparkling lemongrass matching dress and coat that she wore to the inauguration ceremony. But she is determined to carve out a role at the White House that is more than national clothes horse.

Ru Paul also possesses a "theatrical sense of style"; just sayin'...


That's it...I can't stand any more; GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Pope Benedict XVI Still A Jew-Hating Cocksucker

[Once again, I apologize to my Catholic friends...but your current spiritual leader is an evil bastard.]

Just two weeks after the ambulatory turd formerly known as Joseph Ratzinger had fuck-all to say about an official Vatican statement comparing Gaza to a concentration camp, he's at it again:

The Pope is preparing to cancel the excommunication of four traditionalist Catholic bishops including one who believes the Holocaust never happened and the gas chambers were a myth.

Riiiiight. My then-thirteen-year-old Dad and his family won a fabulous vacation to fucking jazz camp in Zemlin, Yugoslavia where, after a luxurious trip via cattle car, they taught Dad to play his axe - actually more of a hatchet - and, erm, strongly encouraged him to chopping trees. For about 14 hours a day. Every day.

And he totally dug the mass graves, too, man; he doubled on shovel. Holocaust. It was a motherfuckin' Funocaust! "Bring the whole family! And don't forget to tip your capos; they're working hard to sell you out. Try the cabbage soup!"

Pope Benedict XVI has already signed the decree lifting the excommunication of the four bishops of the ultra-conservative Society of St Pius X, according to well-sourced reports in the Italian press today.

One of the bishops, Richard Williamson, an English former Anglican and graduate of Winchester and Cambridge, gave an interview to Swedish TV this week in which he said: “There were no gas chambers.”

That's true...all the fumes were the result of everyone eating cabbage soup all the time and being crammed three-deep onto shelves in their "cabins". Sadly, camp-goers frequently ignored the "NO SMOKING" signs and, well, shit happens.

However, Bishop Williamson’s statements on the Holocaust and comments he has made endorsing the anti-Semitic forgery the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, threaten to derail the Pope’s plans.

Like an over-loaded cattle car full of happy jazz campers.

Despite the fact that the Protocols are a blood-libel, I'd be very glad to drain both Bishop Williamson and His Assholiness of every venal, foul drop of blood in their bodies and freeze it just on the off-chance we decide to start making "New & Improved" matzoh.

If Benedict XVI goes ahead with lifting the excommunication in spite of Bishop Williamson’s comments, that will in turn wreak havoc on more than 40 years of attempts to rebuild relations with the Jewish community after nearly two millennia of Christian anti-Semitism culminating in the Holocaust.

The Altar-Boy-Buggerer-In-Chief was quoted as saying "Ze last forty-some years vas an aberrrrration mit ze Juden; ve haff a lot uf lost time to make up, ja? Today ze Vatican, TOMORROW ZE VORLD!!"

The damage will be doubled, coming as it will on top of the Pope’s revival of the Tridentine Mass last year with its Good Friday prayer for the conversion of the Jews.

Into soap and lampshades?

Relations between the Catholic Church and world Jewry have been improving since the 1965 Vatican II document Nostra Aetate, which included the statement: “The Church deplores all hatreds, persecutions, displays of anti-Semitism leveled at any time or from any source against the Jews.”

"Unless we're doing it to them."

If there were any goddamned justice in this world (which there mostly isn't), Ratzinger would be stripped, whipped, forced to schlep an enormous cross until he collapses while people kick him, spit on him and use him as a human toilet before nailing his skanky ass to the cross.

Followed by an enormous clap of thunder and a humongous hand emerging from a cloud to point at the dying piece of filth while a Don LaFontaine-esque voice from the sky intones, "DID YOU FORGET THAT JESUS WAS A JEW, YOU MISERABLE, NAZI-SYMPATHIZING BASTARD?"

Culminating with said giant hand ripping the Papal Anti-Semite from his cross, transporting him swiftly to Hell and forcefully impailing him on The Barbed Cock Of Satan™.

Accompanied by a jazzy rendition of "I'll Be Glad When You're Dead, You Rascal You" performed by Mel Tormé, Benny Goodman, Zoot Sims, Stan Getz, Denny Zeitlin, André Previn, Paul Desmond and Artie Shaw; hotcha!


Monday, January 19, 2009

FAIL! to the (Bigot-In-) Chief

Mr. Obama:

While I have very many policy disagreements with you, I've got an even more personal bone to pick.

For nearly twenty years, you belonged to a rabidly racist and anti-semitic "church", where you were baptized, married and had your children baptized. Yet you claim you never, ever once heard any of the poison being spewed from the pulpit.

In almost two decades.

And for that reason alone, go fuck yourself, sir.

You may have been duly elected but you shall never be my president nor will you have my support, you prevaricating bigot.


Thursday, January 08, 2009

Is "zinger" German for "bastard"?

"Thank you...thank're too kind. So, a Catholic priest, a child molester and a rapist walk into a bar...and that's just the first guy!"

[A note to my Catholic friends: You are likely to find this rant patently offensive; please understand that my problem is with the Holy See, not you.]


Joseph Ratzinger, aka Pope Benedict XVI, shows us once again that you can take the Kraut out of the Fatherland, but you can't take the Fatherland out of the Kraut. On 01/08/09, the Vatican issued a statement comparing Gaza to a "big concentration camp".

Yup, Your Assholiness...Gaza's just like a concentration camp. Except for the slave labor, medical experiments, Zyklon B and crematoria...but why quibble about minutiae, eh?

The Pope today condemned the use of violence by both Israel and Hamas in his annual speech to diplomats accredited to the Holy See. "Once again I would repeat that military options are no solution and that violence, wherever it comes from and whatever form it takes, must be firmly condemned," he said in an even-handed address.

He rejected "hatred, acts of provocation and the use of arms" and deplored the renewed outbreak of violence in Gaza which was "provoking immense damage and suffering for the civilian population".

He then muttered, "What the hell is wrong with you filthy Judenschwein that you won't just roll-over and die, along with the Gypsies, retards and homos? Hey wait a this thing still on? Scheiβ, scheiβ, SCHEIβ!!"

Echoing Pope Benedict's calls for an end to the bloodshed in the Gaza Strip, Cardinal Renato Martino, head of the Vatican Council for Justice and Peace, urged Israeli and Hamas to be "more willing" to hold peace talks. He accused both sides of only thinking of their own interests while civilians paid the price.

Cardinal Martino expressed concern over the humanitarian situation, saying "Let's look at the conditions in Gaza: these increasingly resemble a big concentration camp."

Except for the slave labor, medical experiments, Zyklon B and crematoria...

He added: "Defenceless populations are always the ones who pay."

Like the European Jews in the '30s and '40s, about whom Pope Pius XII (who deserves beatification about as much as Joe Stalin) did very little.

Or those Jews that your delightful cult came after during the Inquisition, like my forebear Jacob Lopez D'Olivera.

Not to mention the Jews today trying to live some sort of life in southern Israel, in-between rocket and mortar attacks from Gaza - frequently during a cease-fire which only one side honored.

It's painfully evident that the worms in a dog's stool have vastly greater moral authority than Catholic church officials; these are the same profoundly evil cocksuckers who for decades shuffled known child rapists from parish to parish. Non-consensual assfucking of altar boys is a stellar way of demonstrating God's love for the innocent. Especially when the only members of their flock whom the church actually protected were the disgusting "men of God" who committed those atrocious acts in the first place.

I would have thought that perhaps heinous behavior like that might make the baby Jesus cry; guess not.

Cardinal Martino made his comments to the Italian website He said that Christians "are not the only ones to call this land 'holy', Jews and Muslims do so too. The fact that this land is the scene of bloodshed seems a great tragedy. If they can't come to an agreement, then someone else should do it. The world cannot sit back and watch without doing anything."

Precious little of the bloodshed over thousands of years in the Holy Land was started by the Jews; rather, it was frequently their blood. Besides, you assholes fucking love bloodshed; it's part of your quaint little vampiric/cannibalistic rituals.

Jesus...nom, nom, nom.

So, Unholy See, if you can show me just one goddamned lampshade or bar of soap unquestionably made out of a Palestinian by the Israelis, I'll concede that comparing Gaza to a concentration camp might be valid.

Otherwise, kindly fold your pointy hats until they're even pointier and then sodomize yourselves with them. Which is probably a sin of some sort.

In which case, do us all a favor; don't confess it...kindly just drop dead and go to the Hell you so richly deserve.