Thursday, January 22, 2009

Pope Benedict XVI Still A Jew-Hating Cocksucker

[Once again, I apologize to my Catholic friends...but your current spiritual leader is an evil bastard.]

Just two weeks after the ambulatory turd formerly known as Joseph Ratzinger had fuck-all to say about an official Vatican statement comparing Gaza to a concentration camp, he's at it again:

The Pope is preparing to cancel the excommunication of four traditionalist Catholic bishops including one who believes the Holocaust never happened and the gas chambers were a myth.

Riiiiight. My then-thirteen-year-old Dad and his family won a fabulous vacation to fucking jazz camp in Zemlin, Yugoslavia where, after a luxurious trip via cattle car, they taught Dad to play his axe - actually more of a hatchet - and, erm, strongly encouraged him to chopping trees. For about 14 hours a day. Every day.

And he totally dug the mass graves, too, man; he doubled on shovel. Holocaust. It was a motherfuckin' Funocaust! "Bring the whole family! And don't forget to tip your capos; they're working hard to sell you out. Try the cabbage soup!"

Pope Benedict XVI has already signed the decree lifting the excommunication of the four bishops of the ultra-conservative Society of St Pius X, according to well-sourced reports in the Italian press today.

One of the bishops, Richard Williamson, an English former Anglican and graduate of Winchester and Cambridge, gave an interview to Swedish TV this week in which he said: “There were no gas chambers.”

That's true...all the fumes were the result of everyone eating cabbage soup all the time and being crammed three-deep onto shelves in their "cabins". Sadly, camp-goers frequently ignored the "NO SMOKING" signs and, well, shit happens.

However, Bishop Williamson’s statements on the Holocaust and comments he has made endorsing the anti-Semitic forgery the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, threaten to derail the Pope’s plans.

Like an over-loaded cattle car full of happy jazz campers.

Despite the fact that the Protocols are a blood-libel, I'd be very glad to drain both Bishop Williamson and His Assholiness of every venal, foul drop of blood in their bodies and freeze it just on the off-chance we decide to start making "New & Improved" matzoh.

If Benedict XVI goes ahead with lifting the excommunication in spite of Bishop Williamson’s comments, that will in turn wreak havoc on more than 40 years of attempts to rebuild relations with the Jewish community after nearly two millennia of Christian anti-Semitism culminating in the Holocaust.

The Altar-Boy-Buggerer-In-Chief was quoted as saying "Ze last forty-some years vas an aberrrrration mit ze Juden; ve haff a lot uf lost time to make up, ja? Today ze Vatican, TOMORROW ZE VORLD!!"

The damage will be doubled, coming as it will on top of the Pope’s revival of the Tridentine Mass last year with its Good Friday prayer for the conversion of the Jews.

Into soap and lampshades?

Relations between the Catholic Church and world Jewry have been improving since the 1965 Vatican II document Nostra Aetate, which included the statement: “The Church deplores all hatreds, persecutions, displays of anti-Semitism leveled at any time or from any source against the Jews.”

"Unless we're doing it to them."

If there were any goddamned justice in this world (which there mostly isn't), Ratzinger would be stripped, whipped, forced to schlep an enormous cross until he collapses while people kick him, spit on him and use him as a human toilet before nailing his skanky ass to the cross.

Followed by an enormous clap of thunder and a humongous hand emerging from a cloud to point at the dying piece of filth while a Don LaFontaine-esque voice from the sky intones, "DID YOU FORGET THAT JESUS WAS A JEW, YOU MISERABLE, NAZI-SYMPATHIZING BASTARD?"

Culminating with said giant hand ripping the Papal Anti-Semite from his cross, transporting him swiftly to Hell and forcefully impailing him on The Barbed Cock Of Satan™.

Accompanied by a jazzy rendition of "I'll Be Glad When You're Dead, You Rascal You" performed by Mel Tormé, Benny Goodman, Zoot Sims, Stan Getz, Denny Zeitlin, André Previn, Paul Desmond and Artie Shaw; hotcha!



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