Random penis enlargement come-ons

Just because it's a cheap and easy post, here are the most amusing "male enhancement" spam scams which have arrived recently:

Superman liqueur. Your Ding Dong will be exclusive.

Gosh...I had no idea that I was sharing my Ding Dong. Or that Kal-El™ brand Creme de Menthe would eliminate such an affliction.

New way of changing your big daddy size.

I wonder if Tennessee Williams was aware of this when he wrote "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof"? And is this why Burl Ives was corpulent?

Chicks will drive mad with you if you enlarge your banana. Your girl loves big main organ but the problem is that you have small one. Do not worry! You have astonishing chance to solve this trouble. Now you can lengthenn [sic] your main organ length. You will be a king of bed surely enough.

Women will ride in my vehicle when I have road rage if I embiggen my herbaceous plant of the genus Musa?

Okay...perhaps my "main organ" is completely pathetic. However, my subsidiary organ is freakin' ginormous and astonishing, so it's all good. (Although I still miss my Hammond B3 sometimes; just sayin'.)

Upgrade yourself today with our solutions.

K3wL...an upgrade to Penis 3.1! (Hey...I've been around computers enough to know better than to install version x.0 of anything.)

Short way to your true male power!

Um, I'd prefer the long way.

Whip out your trunk and watch her cry in pleasure.

Sounds more like, erm, peanuts enlargement.

Become more courageous in your romantic relationships with this new increasing formula! Fight your uncertainty by getting your tool bigger!

[bertlahr]

"What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage!"

"What if you couldn't find her clitoris?"

"I'd show her who was king of the fores'!"

[/bertlahr]

Attain the desired proportion!

You mean like eight heads high? (I said "head"; uh huh huh huh huh huh.)

Time to repair your male plumbing!

With a pipe wrench, flux and a blowtorch? I think not.

Your male device is super!

Yup...it wears a cape and has a secret identity.

Big penis is your main weapon.

Sure. But I keep a smaller holdout penis in my boot; you can never be too careful.

You admire to enlarge you male machine size but do not know how.

You admire to right [sic] a grammatical English sentence but do not know how.

The road to your love success begins with a shift of your love stick.

First gear; it's all right. Second gear; I lean right. Third gear; please don't bite...

I know this works, for I am a new man with a humongous schI@ng, get yours now.

I'm @n old m@n with @ perfectly @dequate schI@ng; th@nks @nyw@y.

Ejaculate and shoot over a mile!

Neato...I could be a freakin' sniper! "Careful...you'll put an eye out!"