Fulton Road Bridge-3, Duane Houkum-0

"Hah, hah!"

(Not) falling down on the job
Demolition Day falls through

Fulton bridge only partly toppled
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Rachel Dissell
Plain Dealer Reporter

(Complete article here)


The Fulton Road Bridge, deemed so deteriorated that it was a danger, refused to tumble Saturday despite several rumbling blasts of explosives.

The first detonation, a few minutes before 8:30 a.m., blew out four stanchions and part of one 110-foot-high arch on the bridge's northern end. The anti-climactic blast barely dusted the grassy Big Creek Valley's edge with chunks of chalky concrete.

The demolition contractor, Duane Houkom of Texas, had predicted the span's 50 million pounds of concrete and steel would drop straight to the ground after a five-second rumble.

But even the second try, almost an hour later, produced only a cloud of dust that dissipated to reveal most of the arches triumphantly standing. The explosion left the 75-year-old bridge looking as though it had lost its two front teeth.

A third and final blast sent the center part of the structure down, but four of the bridge's six arches remain.

Construction manager Ryan Kokosing blamed the malfunction on a defective cable that connected the charges.

The Ohio Department of Transportation and the demolition team will decide at a meeting Monday when blasting will resume. All areas of the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo, which the bridge passes over, will be open during regular hours today, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

What a bloody freaking surprise to see yet another expensive public works screw-up around here. Despite very many wonderful things in this region, there are well-founded reasons this town is a pathetic joke; here we have a prime example.

Which causes me to ponder a few points:

The (allegedly) horribly precarious, danger-to-us-all-aiiieeee! Fulton Road Bridge got the better of numerous applications of explosives. This leads a reasonable person to conclude that the bridge probably could have been refurbished rather than demolished.

And it's not as if a city which has lost literally 50% its population over the past decade-and-a-half is having traffic problems requiring a larger bridge.

But a new bridge is far more expensive than fixing an old one. As such, that provides lots more union jobs than a repair job. This is of vital importance in a region where the unions (along with our comically inept and foully corrupt politicians) have managed to kill the economy in the first place.

(Yup...those unions sure do look out for workin' folks. There used to be a steel industry here. Autos. Hell...Akron used to be "The Rubber Capital of the World"; they haven't manufactured a tire there in years. And don't get me started on Local 4 of the American Federation of Musicians, which may actually disappear in the near future; it couldn't happen to a more deserving bunch of douchebags.)

Further, a new bridge provides exponentially more opportunities for our local elected thugs to "dip their beaks" and reward their organized criminal buddies. (I was born in Chicago, so civic corruption surprises me not. But the bastards here are not only greedy, they're dangerously stupid, too. Hence our moribund economy.)

I'd also like to know why a petrifyingly incompetent retard like Duane Houkom is even permitted to get on a plane by himself to travel here, much less play with high explosives on a fucking bridge built over our zoo. Shit...it's not like there's anything that could go wrong.

This man should be fired for not having the common sense that every semi-housebroken musician in the world possesses: bring an extra goddamned cable to the gig!

While I'm sure there's some modest technical expertise required, how fucking difficult can it possibly be to make explosives actually blow-the-fuck-up?

Jesus H. Christ & His Orchestra!

Alternatively, it may be that ol' "Cletus" Houkom was strongly encouraged to purchase supplies from "Uncle Rocco's Construction-Stuff-Dat-Fell-Off-O'-Da-Truck Emporium". If so, it'd be typical of Cleveland that even our mobsters are incompetent. Next thing you know, they'll attempt to blow-up an informant's car with a couple of M-80s (at least one of which will, no doubt, fizzle).

Houkom should be fired for non-performance without being paid one damned cent. Three strikes and you're out, motherfucker.

And let's hire some guys with a proven track-record for demolishing much larger structures; I'd recommend Mohammed Atta & Associates.

Now if only I can also figure out a way to ensure that all of our local politicians will be at Ground Zero.

Reuters: Possibly the world's stupidest news agency

Artist's conceptualization of a "marijuana lab".


Original idiotic Reuters article here


Marijuana lab explosion injures man
Thu Apr 19, 8:29 AM ET

An explosion set fire to a Miami house being used to grow marijuana hydroponically on Wednesday and the force of the blast sent the occupant flying into the yard, police said.

The man, identified by police as Edel Mesa, 40, was badly burned on the chest, arms and legs and was in critical condition at a trauma hospital, investigators said.

"The house was pretty much destroyed," said Miami-Dade Police Detective Carlos Maura.

Firefighters extinguished the flames and called police, who seized more than 40 marijuana plants from the home, police said.

Arson investigators were trying to determine the cause of the explosion, but police said the man may have been using propane gas near the high-intensity lamps used to grow the plants indoors.

Police said Mesa was not immediately charged with a crime because of his injuries.

What the fuck is a "marijuana lab"? Do you imagine there's some room filled with bunsen burners, beakers emitting dry ice smoke, Jacob's ladders, giant rheostats, enormous fork switches and big gauges mounted in bakelite cabinets?

Do you pointy-headed mental defectives even know what marijuana actually is? (And in this internet age, how hard is it to use a search engine and spend three minutes researching?)

Even if you're hiring semi-literate retards as headline writers, do you not have editors? Way to go with those "multiple layers of fact-checking".

I ought not be surprised; you're the same (alleged) "news" organization which repeatedly refers to misogynistic lunatics, who detonate shrapnel-filled bombs (and themselves) on buses or in pizzerias, as "insurgents" and "freedom fighters".

Because it's George Bush and/or America who are the real terrorists.

I'd like to cauterize the rectums of every single Reuters employee with a red-hot poker and watch them all slowly drown in their own filth.

When is an explosion not a detonation?

Man...you've just gotta love Reuters' nuance:

Casablanca police make arrest but no blast: witness

Casablanca police arrested a man in a Casablanca suburb where three bombs exploded this week but no bomb was detonated, a local resident said on Thursday.

"There was no explosion. The police seem to have arrested the last of the terrorists whose house they raided on Tuesday," the resident said by telephone.

A police source said a man detonated a bomb he was carrying on Thursday but a Moroccan government official then denied this.

Does that mean the Moroccan official denied the statement from the police source or the story itself? In either case, it's comforting to know that nothing actually, you know, exploded.

Global warming my ass!

It's April 7th and there's at least six inches of snow on the ground. Ironic timing for the IPoCC's "Oh Shit, Oh Fuck, Oh God, We're All Going To Die From Global Warming" report which was released to much fanfare yesterday.

Update: At 09.00 Easter morning, we're up to 18" of snow and it's still coming down.

Update #2: At 12.30, we're up to 2' of "global warming goodness" with more falling.

[To the tune of "Winter Wonderland"]

Hey Al Gore, are you seeing
It's mid-April; we're skiing!
I'd go fly a kite,
But it snowed last night
It's a global warming wonderland

Gone away is the bluebird
'Cause it's cold; And have you heard
We all think you're nuts?
We're freezing our butts
It's a global warming wonderland

Yesterday they cancelled the big ballgame;
Snow so thick the pitchers couldn't pitch
Why's it only rich countries that y'all blame?
(Truth that's inconvenient's such a bitch!)

Ecoweenies conspire
Their predictions are dire
The claims we'll all bake
Are clearly all fake
It's a global warming wonderland

In the meadow we could build a snowman
When we should be out there planting stuff
I think climate change is just a strawman
Hope this weather causes folks to call your bluff

So it's spring, but it's snowing
And the data is growing
To show that your claim
Is totally lame
It's a global warming wonderland

U.N. "experts" issue grim climate warning; Jooos not yet blamed

UN experts set to issue grim warming on climate impact
Mon Apr 2, 4:00 AM ET

Original insipid Frog Press article



The world's top climate scientists were gathering here Monday to hammer out the summary of a massive report that predicts dire consequences from global warming, especially for poor nations and species diversity.

Interesting that it's invariably "poor nations" who will be most affected. This is probably because they have no technological or financial resources to to anything (except kill people and demand money, apparently).

Thus, relatively free and productive nations will once again be expected to foot the bill for some happy new horseshit.

And why does the article not name a single one of these alleged experts?

Even if dramatic measures are taken to reduce the carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions that drive warming, temperatures will continue to climb for decades to come, the experts conclude.

Which indicates that whatever climate change is occurring might be due to something else entirely. Varying energy output from the sun, perhaps?

By 2080, according to the report, it is likely that 1.1 to 3.2 billion people worldwide will experience water scarcity, 200 to 600 million will be threatened by hunger, and each year an additional two to seven million will be victims of coastal flooding.

The brunt of these problems will fall squarely on to the world's poorest inhabitants, who are least to blame for the fossil-fuel pollution that drives global warming.

Such as China, India and other developing nations who are the worst gross polluters?

According to a final draft of the 1,400-page report obtained by AFP, hundreds of millions of people living in more than three dozen deltas -- including the Nile in Egypt, the Red River in Vietnam and the Ganges-Brahmaputra in Bangladesh -- are likely to find themselves wedged between rising sea levels and more frequent flooding.

Tropical diseases are likely to spread as well.

Cool...does that mean the bans on DDT will finally be lifted so that poor nations will have an effective and inexpensive means to kill disease-carrying insects?

The impact will be all the more devastating because most of these countries lack the money and skills to adapt to the threat.

Then let's encourage more capitalism so that they can help themselves.

Indeed, if global temperatures rise no more than 2 C (3.6 F) compared to 1990s levels, northern Europe and North America may even enjoy higher crop yields, milder winters and expanding forests.

So we'll be capable of producing even larger food surpluses while using less energy to heat buildings. Plus, the expanding forests ought to be good for massive carbon offsets.

The report by the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) will be unveiled on Friday after its members have approved a roughly 50-page summary for policymakers.

A one-page précis will also be issued: "Give us your money, bitches. Signed, The United Nations".

It assesses the past and future impact of rising temperatures on the planet's physical and eco-systems and inhabitants. It also evaluates the capacity to adapt to the predicted changes.

And the capacity of richer nations to "give 'til it hurts and then give us some more".

In February, the IPCC issued a first volume of its review with an assessement of the scientific evidence for global warming. It predicted temperatures would probably rise between 1.8 to 4.0 C (3.2-7.2 F) by century's end. A final volume, due to be released in early May, will discuss how warming can be mitigated.

Massive influxes of cash from relatively free and successful countries to the U.N. ought to do the trick.

Besides the impact on human society, climate change will also have far-reaching consequences for the planet's biodiversity, the Brussels report will say.

It predicts that 20 to 30 percent of species will be threatened with extinction if temperatures rise 1.5 to 2.5 C (2.7 F to 4.5 F), on the lower side of end-of-century forecasts.

Hang on. We've been hearing for decades about the precious biodiversity of the rainforests. If things warm up a tad, we'll have even more rainforests, won't we?

If temperatures rise by 4 C (7.2 F), "few ecosystems will be able to adapt," says the report.

"Without even more cash given to the United Nations," the report continues.

Compiled to help governments make policy choices, the report will probably sharpen debate on a range of global-warming issues.

And expanded forest growth will mean more trees we can harvest to make sticks which can also be sharpened and used to jab an even larger number of ecoweenies. Everybody wins!

"The developing countries will certainly point out the huge gap between regions, and make it known that they need help," said a Western delegate involved in the drafting.

*Ka-ching!*

"This is true even if the IPCC's role is to make a diagnosis, not to address questions of financing."

*Ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching!*

Policymakers may also be divided on how much money should go to adaptation and how much toward mitigation, even if experts have made it clear that both are essential.

*KA-FUCKING-CHING!*

Could these assholes possibly be more transparent?