Monday, June 09, 2008

Yet more male enhancement spam fun

Upgrade it to a huge volume
My penis is calibrated up to 11; so are my testicles, for a combined volume of 22.

There is a reason why superman wears his underwear on the outside.
Well, at least that way, his underwear never gets shit-stained.

Your erected size will shock everyone, including yourself!
Does it become an electric eel of some sort? zOMG!!1!

What They Don't Want You to Know About Your Penis!
Is it involved in some sort of government conspiracy or cover-up? Is it a Freemason? Illuminatus? Did it bring down the WTC? I simply must know!

Nothing beats a huge stick
Except an even huger stick. Or a gun. Probably a nuke, too.

Your newly increased pole will stimulate more receptors inside your lassie!
But what if I don't own a collie (with or without "receptors")?

Once she claps her eyes on your increased and more mighty tool, she's yours for the taking!
I'd prefer that "clap" not be mentioned in the same sentence with my "mighty tool".

Rocket rod pleases girls
Cool...I've always wanted a hydrazine-powered penis.

A rapid and secure growth of your thing is now guaranteed! Start acting today to become an unmatched lover!
What "thing" are we talking penis or my 401(k)? (If the former, being an "unmatched lover" isn't going to do me much good, is it?

Girls will hunt you in the streets!
Oh swell...I've always wanted to be a trophy. Which head will she mount?

This remedy is in aid of your most painful weakness - small dimensions!
But what if I'm not claustrophobic?

Hit a home run every day with your rocket arm
In addition to sounding painful (especially if it means whacking my own balls out of the park), I suspect this would violate the rules of Major League Baseball.


Monday, June 02, 2008

It's Getting Crowded Under The Obama Campaign Bus

My goodness...before the end of May, Obama had tossed his "typical white person" Grandma, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Father Michael Pfleger and Trinity UCC under the bus.

Will Michelle be next?

[To the tune of "I've Got You Under My Skin"]

I've thrown you under my bus
Because you're all liabilities
You're liable to cause more campaign instabilities
So I've thrown you under my bus

I tried so hard not to cuss
I said to myself: this campaign seems to be going well
Until you opened your yaps and said stuff that ain't so swell
So I've thrown you under my bus

I'd sacrifice anyone come what might
For the sake of winning the race
I took your campaign advice every day and night;
You've repeatedly brought me disgrace

Don't you know, stupid fools, you're causing a fuss
Your irrationality exposed my venality
And each time you talk, it makes voters balk
So there's nothing left to discuss
Thus I've thrown you under my bus
Yes I've thrown you under my bus